running and shouting at the top of her lungs...
last night lying in bed my breath released. i don't know how else to describe it. i have had diaphragm spasms since i was a kid...maybe last night was the first time i didn't. there was air in there. space. light, just like my yoga teacher talks about. not holding on, to what, with what? it was in that moment that i realized he was never there and now he's gone.
i'm all over the place tonight.
flash of a mad genius crush i once had. we made a movie about two little children lost in the woods but it was really the two of us found, smoking and talking about metaphysics and sensory deprivation in his fruit-fly infested workshop. accolades and awards and years later, he has a fancy new studio and a nomination for a giant prize...the stakes have increased drastically as has the apparentness (that's not a word) of his insanity and his inability to function as a social creature - a balance of tension (his words) - the line between what it is and what it never was but might have been...
my heart hasn't been in it
and now, yesterday's news
everyone needs their evil twin
i can't have mine so i brought her hers
two little shadows
water sprites, to my surprise
i took this picture last week,
trying to catch the full moon and jupiter lined up perfectly in the night sky
(i had to leave before it was done)
no matter how satisfying
i guess some things are not meant to be had
the trick is to see what you have left,
made special by what you have lost
at least i know he heard me
sorry appeared, and it helps
but it's what he doesn't say that kills me
ironic
it's his voice that stole my heart
the change of season is upon us
i like the idea that maybe this is the bonus round, not a frozen bloom
