last chance

it’s been a long time since i've come around
so many tales, and yet none

he came, he saw, he asked me to ask him to stay
just like the movies, but too late, too far from real, too tragic to let it happen (though my body screamed otherwise)
he warned me to watch out but that took care of itself

then another/the he came
he also saw and we talked about the girl who broke his heart
we drank we smoked we listened to happy sad angry songs and he looked at me like his little sister instead of the girl of his dreams i'm supposed to be
eventually, he went home
the end
(much as i wish it weren't so)

i bought a paper fox and tried to make some new friends but girls are girls (so it's no go) and boys are always afraid i want them to be boys

at this point i'll declare that I won't pretend to understand people, even though it's true, i did just take a whole course in that!

hope lingers with a question mark in these days of ice storms and dramatic endings. beauty and danger in shocking combination, sometimes always i'm sure there are no words and then i surprise myself. now is probably not a good time to tell them the tree might fall down onto/into their home, so i will wait (and see)

passings, that's what those are...have been
year end new year longest day just gone. it starts to get light, end of the darkness, we/i have made it through the hardest part

luck and abundance and wishes fulfilled...
i met some ladies (one bug) like me, i'd been looking for a long time
(am i repeating myself? i do that)

(is this where i put in the part about locking eyes with prince charming???)
i have my loves

cold and high and wishing we were otherwise (or so)
he should open his eyes, they all should see there's more than the drawings they keep in front of their (bigger than mine) noses
caution to those who would ignore the truth

inside, don't reply
learn when to see and say no

inspired, that's it!
i saw an exquisite corpse today, a treasure grail in the dark until we found out it was just a mistake
our relationship has devolved into taking his mother out to art galleries
(is that a word?)
there are worse ways to spend my days, i know

bought a necklace
peach aventurine - whisper
so tired, what would i have done?
there's a line about staying forever for the longest time, but that's always my problem, isn't it?
never had a dad, wouldn't know...

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad, I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time

there it is...
look up the otter, shaman paintings follow me home
not the first time (never been to those gardens)
(no response, water being connection missed until just now)
return, again and again and again
invite me to his home,
sit on the couch, then disappear
dirty romantic songs, dying to know who this girl is...
know better than to dare to dream that she is me
(and forget to remember that this is what i'm supposed to do with those words)

writing is so weird, you totally think you don't have it in you but then you do
take care of myself first
last dance?
unfold
maybe this is the year i will learn to sing

shadows and ecstasies

sky meets the sea with only forests and rainbows between,
and us...

i am reminded to write these things down

fog comes down from the mountains
and for once the magic is what's real

i was happy for four days, that's something.

stay open, shut down, forget
lest the memory of danger appear, like he did today
the cloud that is my lack of aim...

tiny lives
travelling for work
work / trip

long embrace, a kiss on the lips
keep the memory close

what will it cost to buy back those eyes?

i should say something about endings and acceptance(s) but i can see now they're all the same

what day is it today, tuesday?

saturdays

apparently i have a doppelganger who likes sushi

just because

searching for some perfect world we know we'll never find...

1999

sat with my mom and looked through our respective wedding albums today

i'm not sure i remembered twenty-three when it was happening, but it's all so **** clear now

bourbon dreams

via dale cooper on the book of faces: I must admit I feel...out of sorts. Weeks have gone by. No. Years. (there is a nagging fear it could be decades) Time moves at a peculiar pace. I sense it (time) contains holes, like runs in stockings. The wind whistles through.
Description of my current state: Pieces of myself have been blown apart and spread like dandelion seeds, drifting off in various realities. I know who I am, but not what I am...

or, in other words:
I can catch the moon in my hands
Don't you know who I am...

post script. it's all about freezing time in a skillful way...

theme song

episode 45 of "drummers are a pain in my ass"...

that coupon has expired

wedding colours and fancy snacks and my god what a terror we must have been...

perhaps i was just looking at the wrong end

green

make sure you write him a note so he knows it was you
breeding / laying the ground for future disaster / possibility

i introduced myself as "irrelevant" tonight and she was charmed
ironic

"we miss you", the younger one had said...
"we know you are the man behind the curtain"
random

baby witch
breeding / laying the ground for...
shocking to realize that now i am she

walking around in circles
walking around in circles
sleep

cherry moon

monumental nines...

- worried about his disappearing / silence
- won a tiny / big battle
- listened to her make peace with the inevitability of ending
- heard horrible / awful stories about the violence of puppies and offered my hand
- made a friend by revealing a glimpse of her future self
- rode the subway with a magician who let me in on some of the secrets of mindreading
- looked back and said hello
- gave a gift / reward in the form of a warning / smile
(copied her style - she knew i would understand!)
- conceded defeat, which always calls forth that which i have resigned myself to not want

sighs float across miles and land in his beer
the timeline becomes more clear

launch the sparkles into space and watch her fly
this must be heaven