epiphanies

he's just not that into me
(and my beloved keanu should watch out for justin long!)

san francisco

things often don't look so bad
until you get a closer view,
until you've been around long enough to start to notice details
a room in paradise
with a view overlooking hell...
i walk fast
and become invisible

never sure which way is up
i went to the top
looking for that place i see in my dreams
the sign was there (lillie hitchcock coit)
but it wasn't quite
i stood dizzy above the clouds
i rode the bus down with the pink lady
i forgot that i look okay with a tan

finally found the copy of nine stories i have been searching for
bought it in the store where the beat poets used to hang
so much dancing on these streets
i read and write in snapshots lately

tomorrow i will go to the ocean
to the beach where the rocks of love came from
mysteries to unfold
there is this space full of the unknown
i will follow...
that's all

stanford/vacation

so much for my plan to meet a lonely physicist and then live happily ever after

onward...

offerings and leftovers

scent of jasmine
it gets cold in the desert at night

i think of you often
as the fierce wind dances in the sun

there is so much i should say
but you already know
and i'm the kind of tired that comes from being outside

we talked today about possession, cannibalism, power
there is no present without the shadow of memory

raspberries
and scarves in june
salt from oceans far away
i tried to be perfect
full moon birthday (you can see it in my eyes)
and a solstice sunset
mysteries and the value of questions
you say i'm a dreamer...
sometimes a greasy monkey,
the force of wishes can nearly knock me off my feet

i walk
i sit
i listen
i watch
i take

i should probably stop waiting,
but first i must sleep

full circle

speeding past endless ditches full of purple and white phlox
green, the undersides of poplar leaves flashing in the sun
bright-blue sky and the turquoise beaches of my dreams,
today with sailboats and windmills

how much of who i used to be do i want to keep?

dusk-blue dusk, water and sky
a perfect, round, glowing orb suspended somewhere between
moonlight beams a golden path onto the lake
interrupted only by the hands of the clouds as they pass before her

he knows my name now,
my curiosity wanes
my friend leaves once more for israel,
and again i don't know when i'll see her next
a cute guy on a bike - "cheers" as he passes me on the sidewalk,
a block later (on that same corner as before) he parks and looks me over as i pass by
no accidents this time
no coincidences
no drama
the magic dissipates...
for everywhere i've been this year
i'm really not much closer than i ever was

love is...

...having sex with someone enough times that they actually get to know your underwear collection

sad but true

i am at my best when i honestly no longer give a shit