sad smile

there is a hole in my gut now
to match the hole in my heart
and the one in my head

there is seeing and wanting but being too crazy
there is seeing and wanting but being too afraid
there is seeing and wanting but being too stuck

there is seeing and not wanting,
then creeping into wanting but being too stuck
and maybe too afraid

there is wanting but never seeing,
then creeping into seeing and being
too stuck in afraid and wanting

and then there is seeing
and wanting and never understanding.
that one is me