kittens and pie

mercury and venus in gemini during scorpio on a full moon

i don't know what's worse, waiting for a man to call and eventually realizing he's never going to even though he should, or having one promise to call and then ending the day disappointed

my roommate said something very astute tonight while I was waiting for the phone to ring
people don't want to be saved, they want to be witnessed saving themselves
this changes everything.

i will go to bed and try to sleep
no pondering - we're all just so tired of being sad
witness

i'd rather just read a book about it

"And it would reshape the life of that princess who had given up the world for the moon, who yearned desperately to make love stay."
- Tom Robbins

***

his mom told me she'd love to have me as a daughter
then she told me she saw his father in him,
and she told me to run

then she sat his child in my lap,
and played me this song

dismissed

i'm trying to learn this fine line between letting things go and insisting that people in my life be accountable for actions that cause me distress

unrelated, i have had this song stuck in my head for days
(turn it up)

"still fragile"

my eyes to go the dark pretty man hiding in the shadows
*blink*
he comes and sits next to me
nervous, i am clumsy and hit him with my bag
i apologize
he responds
he is not from this place
*blink*
i babble
he stands up
walks down the stairs
and onto the stage
he takes off his clothes
then he dances for me

later my friend dances with him
i watch
we smoke
we go home

pretend this is the jimmy scott version...

puncture wound in my chest

they always find their way home

unicorns

i wish he had been real
i'm done with him wishing i was someone else

theme song

backpedaling aside...
if he's allowed to flirt, i'm allowed to imagine that he means it

married men are the bane of my existence

I am an honest man
From where the palm tree grows
And before dying I want
To share the verses of my soul.

flirty little twenty-one year old decided it was a good idea to put his arms around my waist and press his body into mine while we were having a group photo taken at work today.

f.
m.
l.

"awesome but deceivingly so"

this evening while we were at the circus he told me that if i don't meet my true love this year, we can get married...in three years. maybe by then he'll be fifteen years older and straight.

the alternative pretend new prospect is all lou reed and cocteau twins...and married.

one day, some day...
at least it's not boring around here