care enough not to care

it wasn't such a bad day after all
one never knows
i hold my tongue and maybe the tides shift in my favour

should i be insulted that one of the others thinks i should hook up with fat, ugly, old men?
smart and sensitive isn't enough
can he rip an apple in half with his bare hands?

plagued by visions of the son i will never have
expensive wine masks this sadness
i am able to laugh today

if he ever knew me at all he'd know that was my way of saying goodbye