wide open

I bought my boots
I can’t find a roommate
I can't afford either
I like the new B-52s song
I'm tired, bored, insulted, worried
I'm waiting
I don't wanna clash, I don't want to rehash the past
I just want to believe
I'm avoiding the work I really have to do
I will go to bed and not sleep
once more

listen
close my eyes and smile

friends of achilles

i never used to like pears, but now i do
i wonder what other great things are in store for me?

i practice spinning on my kitchen floor
while tomatoes explode inside the microwave

i wonder if he knows that now he knows my weak spot

it seems too early for tulips
we all come in on our own time

erase it all, retrace my steps
say goodnight to the shadow of the unicorn

i want to tell him...
for what it's worth,
i'm still here

lessons

it is much easier to break up with someone because he is a drug addict than it is to do it because you're just not in love with him

i'm thinking of taking up smoking again

worst part about today (aside from the guilt): dating a fat guy seems to have made me fat

best part about today: the tetris champion made me perfect again, for free

i buy a size large but then my pants keep falling down

once in a while you can order some van gogh prints from amsterdam and when they arrive it will make you forget for a few moments about the shitty parts of your life

i am praying for the flood to stop

so far from clever

i spend a lot of time looking down
my new version of finding shapes in clouds...
staring at tiles
there's a devil i see in my bathroom sometimes
i have to play tricks on myself to forget it's there
today, a mermaid
on the subway platform
holding the staff of neptune
my dreams find me
even without the grace of sleep

i suppose i need to somehow mark the events of yesterday
planets out of line says this morning
i have always hated horses
never unicorns, it bears repeating
even if it's not true
what matters is that i had no question that it could be
i wanted it to be, easy and clean
now i crash
waiting for phone calls that will never come
wishing for faces and arms that will not ever be mine
now, again, before, no end

this is not what i wanted

crushed
by too many almosts
so many things i want to grow
and nowhere to plant them
wisteria makes amazing bonsai
i could turn the poison nightshade from the alley into a houseplant
maybe steal a spring of lilac from the tree on the corner and try that as well
there's always hope
just no normal for me
in happier news,
my avocado tonight was perfectly ripe

i have to remember to breathe

spring cleaning

things jump out at me today,
done before i can catch them

i have to organize before i can conceptualize
today is the day maybe we figure it all out
what to hide, what to move, what to keep

i was upset because the light in my basement is burnt out
worried about my stuff sitting in the dank blackness
until i realized
it's always dark when the lights are out

many moons later,
i have finally discovered where the crows go