limbo

waiting
strange
without desire seems the best plan

i booked my escape to california today...

gone before dark

i am made of poison

pushing words out from the depths of my black headache, i doodle on a scrap of paper to avoid the crazy gaze of the shouting street preacher man on the subway. he does not need to see that we have met before, that i once looked with love into eyes much like his own, fascinated by his poetry just before it took us both over the edge...

spent $15 on a european magazine so i could read an interview with prince keanu in french, but apparently the north american version comes in english. can't decide if that's better or worse. at least the pictures are the pictures are the pictures...

visions of drummers and bridesmaids and arsenal games and spain...that and the light of the fading sun on the skyscrapers downtown this evening were enough to put a hint of a smile back where it belongs

it has been a few years since the tulips were this good
that summer was the one when he scratched our initials into the sidewalk
then the floods came,
and the mice
and soon enough he was gone;
now, i'm still here
the floods have been again,
the mice are returned
and he is still gone.

i know this by now
when a married man invites you to vacation in the guest room of "my little apartment" out of town, it means danger
we are all guilty of something...
acceptance
if these are my joys, so be it

one must practice...
something
anything

dumbing it down

nothing but another notch in my belt of sadness

tired of people (sorry if you're one)
i think next life i will try to come back as a crocodile

cursed by gypsies

or something

sinking ship

most of them are out of focus
this is where i saw the swans fucking

too much icing on the cake

now i have an ant invasion as well
my life is turning into one of those apocalypse movies where all the beasts of hell arrive and wreak havoc on the lives of innocents (or the damned)
someone today said something about saturn, i never know enough
the ghosts were anxious when it got time for me to leave tonight
milk chocolate cravings
pink mouse poison
pictures that catch my breath in my throat
pretend, ignore, i'm afraid i'm always still here
wish as any of us may

bite me

i have run out of patience for grown men who are unable to manage their own behavior, who then twist things to make it seem like their problems are somehow my fault

i should have just slept at work instead of leaving (nowhere near finished cleaning up the mess) at midnight. i guess i'm less afraid of ninja stealth mice than i am of an old building full of ghosts

i keep seeing things move out of the corners of my eyes. maybe i need new glasses, or a new brain