too much

i love how this year there are all kinds of trees where the leaves have fallen off but the apples haven't

brown socks, homeless camps, bulk sprees, close call, shake, cry, talk, plan, bake, transfer, wonder, sleep

this is the part where i become a raging alcoholic

turns out the only guy who ever wanted to be the father of my children also believes that he is an alien. if life gets any weirder than this, i never want to find out about it.

crazy people are now banned from my world.

i am not fucking kidding.

walking pink dead

we are breeding a race of super mice in my kitchen
poison and poison and they still come back
i quit fighting, now...put out my lights.

collapse

if i ever announce that i'm going to do a phd, somebody kick me.

kabuki afternoon

always everything is about raining and parades
even when they are perfect they are the same as all the rest

today i learned that the moon is a symbol of buddhist enlightenment,
and if you give me enough extravagant fabric and wallpaper eye candy
i might remember to believe that
"love is the flower of the mortal world"

running on empty

sometimes when you hear a certain song at a certain time, it's not a sign, it's just a song.

elephants vs. the monkey

the weight of presence

lately i have been compelled to fall asleep for a short while right after i eat dinner
tonight i was swallowed by a deep exhaustion
wake up just before midnight
like a character in a tarkovsky film
pray by placing my forehead upon the ground
i exist somewhere between the earth and sky
begin again
begin now

flashback

too busy to worry

or otherwise care
it's nice, in a way

encounter

borrowed words:
my desire has had the momentum of hunger

mess of fall

hint: if you click on the pictures they will get bigger and prettier

restless legs

eight am text, so lovely
except he was either too drunk or is too stubborn now to recall that i told him we were done

six pm passes with no word
was it power or fear?

can't get over being sick
no one reads
everything is different now

count the days until i make an attempt at normal,
by way of different
the scariest place i've been in a while
at least crazy is never boring

he didn't mean it

for halloween i dressed up as myself: afraid of mice, allergic to my world, annoyed at the drunk neighbours who party outside my window while i try to write conference proposals and citations, wondering all the while if i haven't managed to make all the wrong choices and fuck everything up...
it's not what i wanted to create
not who i wanted to be
(and)
in spite of what they would have you believe about orgasms and all the rest, sneezing constantly is not fun.