black ice

catching up
falling behind
planning a little trip...

there's still this story from the other night about a belligerent fifty-one year old "anarchist" who mistook me for a "twenty year old rich artist hipster kid."

there's so much wrong with that on so many levels...
another time

falafel full moon chaos

no time now, remind me to tell you tomorrow

pure spirit

a travelling song for david
(he's the second man in)
and also for beverley, who inspired my path
thanks to you both, wherever it is that we go...

and then, the opposite:
made a new friend tonight
small world, one of his best friends is the girl my "the one" dumped me for
fag hag suits me just fine
at least it never matters who they're fucking behind your back

come home to a mailbox full of collection notices belonging to various exes
children, losers, users, suckers, believers...the lines blur

on the plus side, i ate quince today
something to cross off my life to-do list
i'd go back for more

would you like fries with that?

i was going to make a list but this is easier
copied, covered (from back when i used to bother with tags)

sparkle snow

i couldn't decide what to write about today
felt like nothing happened
i was cranky when i woke up
(they don't love me enough)
talked on the phone to an old teacher - she was more wise and less crazy than i remembered
ate a donut for lunch
taught myself to edit video on a pc

loud annoying dude on his cell phone sat behind me on the bus
glad i resisted my headphones or i wouldn't have heard
"are you coming over soon? good. can you do me a favour? call the 700 club and ask them to pray for me. i'm having a really hard time at school. also ask them for some forgiveness..."
that last part was apparently worth repeating. don't know what he did, but probably all of us could use a dose of it so i guess no harm in asking...
(he got more quiet when he noticed my notebook and pen creep out of my bag, but proceeded to talk anyway about not knowing what's real...mental health problems and conversations about meds, they find me, they do...and what is this world where people talk about these things on their cell phones while riding the bus?!? i AM old, it's true)
cute-ish guy up front trying to catch my eye...split focus...but crazy always wins.

laundry
red pepper alfredo sauce, strawberry ice cream and expensive red wine
watched a little tv
watched a commercial targeted to my demographic about "light bladder leakage"
might as well just kill myself now
thought about how all i can think about when i walk over the big bridge is how people go there to die, who does that?
never me, too scared to even walk near the edge
we used to talk about that...what would happen if we drove our cars over a cliff?
it's time for him to come back, my call is out to the universe
just one more...
time to get over it and move on

(note to self - you can't make the final cut if you're not even at the shoot)

cancel

today on the subway i checked out a guy who was at least fifty

it snowed all day
my wardrobe was not prepared

my own medicine

i have become that person who never writes you back

also
i have come to realize that i am (mostly, likely) now only dealing in recycled men