miss understood/led

I have spent
(some might say too much)
time
staring into firelight

now my hair is gray
but hidden well
my thighs
and my ass
bigger than I care for
I sleep more
I lie more
I fuck more
I eat more
I drink more
I spend more
I care less

I want to read the ending again
but I can't get past the junk to reach the shelf

I know it was about giving up
not about fighting
but I figure if I keep looking
it might somehow turn itself around

in the meantime I will
put myself to rest/peace/calm/sleep
reading about minimalism