red book

green shirt, grey hair, wedding ring...
catch him looking
catch his eye
he lingers behind after his blonde leaves his side to seek out the gay father / star
too bad, i thought (and toyed with the idea of saying it aloud)

passing through the little park on the corner
(reprise)
all the good ones are taken, i said
(stop to write it all down now and i freeze)

this, always...
i remind you of the girl who broke your heart
(fall, and wonder)
she doesn't deserve you
and somehow, i do - for better and worse

(not) broken, still
i need to do one thing each week that grounds me
active adventure fantasy
the kids, the calm, the love
i write
and one day i will paint
i might even dance again...

maybe
this will become my journal about the end of a particular kind of hope
and the beginning of my search for another
soul, voice, self

not dead yet

drummers and photographers will be the end of me
(thank god for biceps!)

There's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time.
- Avenue Q