last chance

it’s been a long time since i've come around
so many tales, and yet none

he came, he saw, he asked me to ask him to stay
just like the movies, but too late, too far from real, too tragic to let it happen (though my body screamed otherwise)
he warned me to watch out but that took care of itself

then another/the he came
he also saw and we talked about the girl who broke his heart
we drank we smoked we listened to happy sad angry songs and he looked at me like his little sister instead of the girl of his dreams i'm supposed to be
eventually, he went home
the end
(much as i wish it weren't so)

i bought a paper fox and tried to make some new friends but girls are girls (so it's no go) and boys are always afraid i want them to be boys

at this point i'll declare that I won't pretend to understand people, even though it's true, i did just take a whole course in that!

hope lingers with a question mark in these days of ice storms and dramatic endings. beauty and danger in shocking combination, sometimes always i'm sure there are no words and then i surprise myself. now is probably not a good time to tell them the tree might fall down onto/into their home, so i will wait (and see)

passings, that's what those are...have been
year end new year longest day just gone. it starts to get light, end of the darkness, we/i have made it through the hardest part

luck and abundance and wishes fulfilled...
i met some ladies (one bug) like me, i'd been looking for a long time
(am i repeating myself? i do that)

(is this where i put in the part about locking eyes with prince charming???)
i have my loves

cold and high and wishing we were otherwise (or so)
he should open his eyes, they all should see there's more than the drawings they keep in front of their (bigger than mine) noses
caution to those who would ignore the truth

inside, don't reply
learn when to see and say no

inspired, that's it!
i saw an exquisite corpse today, a treasure grail in the dark until we found out it was just a mistake
our relationship has devolved into taking his mother out to art galleries
(is that a word?)
there are worse ways to spend my days, i know

bought a necklace
peach aventurine - whisper
so tired, what would i have done?
there's a line about staying forever for the longest time, but that's always my problem, isn't it?
never had a dad, wouldn't know...

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad, I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time

there it is...
look up the otter, shaman paintings follow me home
not the first time (never been to those gardens)
(no response, water being connection missed until just now)
return, again and again and again
invite me to his home,
sit on the couch, then disappear
dirty romantic songs, dying to know who this girl is...
know better than to dare to dream that she is me
(and forget to remember that this is what i'm supposed to do with those words)

writing is so weird, you totally think you don't have it in you but then you do
take care of myself first
last dance?
unfold
maybe this is the year i will learn to sing