faith breakdown

a stack of symbols
mark this day...
start with a bathtub full of shit,
(stewing)
go out into the world smelling like a homeless person
(intimate knowledge)
cut off before i begin to spin my web
(under the influence)
called in for a chat
(i unload too much and no longer care)
reminded that he likes his women crazy
(play house but don't bother beyond those walls)
shattered and concealed
(the form begins to reveal itself)
less bound, double your money and run
(jealous)
i have put my faith in all the wrong places
(is this it again?)
an urge to drink, to fuck, to hide
(i had a feeling he was there)

when does the truth get trumped by fear?
always, this is my reality.

return to neutral
squish it down
no idea which way to go next
ironically, the opposite of instinct seems obvious
second guess
stall
stare
(hope)
sleep