disappointment ball

watching the wrong path, i follow mine
twitching, this energy is fast and dark
(rapids on the river prut)
brace myself...
only go as far as you know how to come back from
training wheels
less release on the left side
blank
open
beautiful
it's too bad you missed this

i need to pee
i need to write

i found my anger in the place i least expected it
in hindsight, it all pulls to the right,
away from the left
tears when i go out to the edge
feet asleep
gather the energy back to the centre
relax
it is not time yet to turn my head to the sky
choke
breathe

i need to explore my painter side
rest in the image
the lights are on
i am home
don't look now,
i will find him if he's there
i wish i could sculpt the pictures inside my head
when you close your eyes, that's all there is...

acrid smell of ballpoint
i push my cheek into this grey floor
it was here in this brick room with its yellow band that i danced my you
for me

break