this is my life / love story

tonight i went to a fundraiser at a gay bar where i saw a drag queen named sofonda cox do her rendition of a kelly clarkson song. i don't even know who kelly clarkson is, but i'm sure sofonda cox is way more awesome. i watched my friend (wearing a gold sequined unitard) jump on a mini-trampoline in time to some techno song while my other friend (wearing a shiny metallic speedo) humped a leopard-print covered bed, also in time to the music. i saw a few old men, and even a dog, dancing (on film). i smiled. i also won a raffle prize and caught up with an old friend in between acts. all the young gay boys love me too, and i, them. it is safe to be honest and easy to be kind.

next week i will travel back in time. the secret fantasy is that i will also travel forward while i'm at it. then an awkward work gathering, editing and cleaning, a birthday, a birthday boy, a goodbye, an anniversary, an investigation, and a hello if all goes well. i no longer sleep so this will not be too much.

i wonder about absence, i am surprised by presence, i am trying not to take everything so personally, i am trying to no longer be as resistant to change as i have always been. he was riding on oceans, someone said the other night. i will learn to surf.