"please advise"

back when i was about ten they invented music videos. there was this one that i really liked. it was about a bus.

fast forward about twelve years, to the occasion of my formal acquaintance with the drummer from this band. he is (obviously) much older than me. to be kind we'll say 'not my type.' one night our paths crossed out in the world, and he asked me out. i said no. fortunately i was engaged, unfortunately it was still mighty awkward. he remains the only man ever to ask me on a proper date.

fast forward another thirteen years, to now. he works with me, maybe even for me if i wanted to play power games. i have always tried to maintain as large a professional distance as possible. on friday, i slipped. i mentioned that he shared a birthday with my ex-husband. he promptly asked me out again after reminding me that he had done so once before. i suppose 'ex' was the fatal word. i lied and told him i was taken. he responded by telling me all about his deep feelings (read obsession) for another person who works in our neighbourhood. her job and her name are both a lot like mine...as though it were a coincidence, aligned by the stars. she is one of the most beautiful women i have ever met. i tried to end the conversation then but failed. just before i left tonight, he sent me a long diatribe about how perfect she is (beauty on the inside to match the out) and 'woe is me' what will he do? then he asked if he should hang himself.

i hear this is a pattern with him. tomorrow i will find a way to make him crawl back under his rock. then i will send him his schedule for next week.

does he really not know he never stood a chance?

i wrote this story in my head on the way to my now semi-regular punk rock booty call. it was a bit like the molly bloom speech but with no instead of yes. the poetry disappeared and we are left with just this. there's a lot of that going around these days.

seizures and creepers and roadblocks and dirt and bed. all in a day's work.